Talking with the shrink today, I realized one reason I am unhappy is everything that should be or normally is enjoyable to humans is tainted to me. For instance, I used to enjoy food a lot...all different kinds and flavors from all over the world. Now when I eat I just think about the calories I'm consuming and how much fatter it's making me. Similar things have happened with other things I used to enjoy. Everything is contaminated with some fear or contrary poisonous thought.
Why am I such a miserable person? I've had a really good life relatively speaking. Good parents, good siblings, a good education. I lack very little, I have a good living situation. What is there to object to in my life? Why must I have such a distaste for living? I must be one of the most ungrateful people in the world.
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On a different note, my next post is my 300th post (actually there's been a lot more than that, but I've deleted a lot of the older posts). I had intended to do something special, but now I don't know. Any ideas to do something special? Anything anyone wants to hear from me? Anything anyone's curious about?
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- James
- Coastal Area, CA, United States
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10 comments:
*cuddles*
Whatever you post i'm sure it'll be awesome. Cos you're awesome. ;)
*Hugs*
I don't know why you're miserable but it's something to figure out. Try to find ways to enjoy the small things in life first, wash away the taint.
For your 300th post, you should write a poem celebrating hugs. :P
I didn't use a shrink to figure this out, but a few years ago I decided to make a conscious effort to be less jaded - I was so focused on the finer things in life that I missed all the simple ones - you need to make yourself begin to appreciate those things again and a lot of things fall into place - a rainstorm, a walk in the woods or on the beach, a sunny day, an ice cream cone - whatever - oh and btw it's not easy but it really really works
For the 300th, how about a "300" theme — you know, "This is SANTA BARBARA!" or "Tonight we dine at Downey's", maybe a couple of parody videos from Youtube.
That's a potentially useful insight. Now if you can figure out why you feel that way about the enjoyable things, and what ingratitude has to do with it, if anything. I mean are you really ungrateful?
100 facts about you or something... those amuse me.
Or better yet 300 facts... that's tough maybe...
It's really hard, and possibly not practical - but - perhaps put yourself into a hard situation, like walking the Apalachian trail for a few weeks, or doing some vountary work, or anything that takes you right outside your normal experience. When you get back, you will either really appreciate the things you missed, or realise they were completely irrelevant, and never go back to them.
It is something I have had the luxury of doing often during my previous career - it worked for me.
Bening constantly dissatisfied is no good.
G =]
One more thing about positive thinking: on healthyjourneys.com there is a CD (or MP3 download) called Relaxation and Wellness by Belleruth Naparstek. On that CD is a 20 minute track of positive affirmations that I listen to during work. It works almost subliminally. Powerful stuff.
I think I speak for a lot of us who have been reading your blog...We are worried about you.
I know it feel like the world is sometime caving in on you and nothing will ever be right again. I can attest to that feeling. I can also guarantee that it all begins to get better: slow at first and fast as you go.
I agree with a lot of what is said here. Take some time off from your life. I have done that exact thing for the past week of so when I flew to the other side of the country. I got to see a whole new side of life, and I look forard to getting to a place like that soon.
Getting away for a bit is always helpful. It can clear your head and help you get a clearer vision of where you are going or where you need to go.
Keep your head up. You are a terrific person and have much to offer this world.
I like Mike's idea for your 300th post. How about 100 facts about yourself. Who knows, you may just rediscover yourself.
I think that all you need is a good cook with a good cock :) You wouldn't have any food problems, and would become a fit sportsman ;)
I send you some transatlantic hugs!
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