I thought I'd post a little more about my decision that being with someone was not a violation of God's will.
I said my feelings were, in general, ambivilant still about being with someone. Whether this is residual institutionalization or a real inner conviction, I cannot tell. But I realized something very powerful and liberating the other day. That is, I frequently pray the Lord's prayer. One line goes like this:
"Et ne nos inducas in tentationem..."
(and lead us not into temptation..)
This struck me as very meaningful. If I'm praying to God to lead me not into temptation, and acting on my gay feelings would be a violation of His will, then I can have faith that He will not lead me into temptation. God knows my heart, and He promises to never give me anything that is above my ability to deal with. Given this promise, and request above, I can have faith that, if acting on my feelings is against God's instruction, then He will prevent such a situation from happening.
So, my ambivalence is at rest. I can be ready for any situation and in the meantime I can not be so highstrung about things.
Monday, September 29, 2008
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9 comments:
Yay! I'm so happy for you! Coming to a realization is usually always satisfying, both spiritually and physically.
I just have a question, though (not a rhetorical, challenging question, but just a regular question).
God wants us to be happy, yeah, but what is happiness? Is it happiness according to what humans believe is happiness or is it happiness in accordance to what God determines to be happiness? What if His happiness doesn't make us necessarily happy? And what if our happiness doesn't make Him particularly happy? Where is that middle ground where both humans and God is happy?
Joshua asks some good questions. After all, we're supposed to take up our cross daily and follow Jesus if we want to be truly happy, but that doesn't sound like a lot of fun.
Those are good questions Joshua. I can't say I know all the answers, but I can say something from experience on happiness.
I think, if we're actively engaged in God's will, then we will have a level of contentment or divine happiness that exceeds all others. Doing this will may be hard on our bodies, emotions, and minds. But ultimately, we're rewarded with a calmness satisfied spirit, and this leads to a feeling of satisfaction of all other parts of us.
I think, also, that if our happiness is too long at odds with God's will, then I know it will eventually lead to our being unhappy. A Christian cannot long live in bliss when they know they are separated from the Lord.
Scripture and other believers can give us a good idea of what is doing God's will and what is not. In those cases where we just don't know, then it's going to end up being a very personal decision with you and the Creator. In this I have little to offer, I just show you all my experiences I've posted here on the blog.
Ha, I just realized, how ironic is it that I'm the one advizing on happiness. Surely I'm one of the most discontent/malcontent persons on earth (though I like to think I'm improving every day). I'm not sure if that makes me an expert or a novice on what leads to ultimate happiness. :P
Well, James --- goodness be on you. Rather than happiness perhaps we should discuss joy. It seems more permanent and less mood focused than happiness.
The Good News brings joy. Grandma brings happiness when she brings me cookies. Except she makes them with so much love that they perhaps approach some sort of sacramental status. Now don't scoff, you doubting Thomas folks! You never tasted her molasses cookies.
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I dont kno how ur inner self feels, because everyone is different, but i personally can't think of a God who would create his children, then not accept them for who they are.
I believe in God. I don't necessarily believe in organized religion because they were formed by men. It's hard to explain in short, so i'll post something about it later maybe. I guess what it comes down to is using your free agency to do what you feel right doing, provided u aren't directly violating someone else's free agency- because everyone's conscience is different.
Hard to explain, maybe that makes a little sense? haha
oh, i have like 10 friends up at SB right now btw. I might transfer there in a year if it all works out.
anyways, peace man.
-Landyn
thanks for the comment landyn. you bring up some good points, which is largely why i'm at the place i am.
i don't trust anyone to advise me on this matter, really. i think everyone's as equally biased as the next one, so, in that regard, the world of men is not much help.
i do think, though, that 2000 years of faith and scholarship should not be easily tossed aside. i stand on the shoulders of martyrs, saints, and very holy people. i think someone in my position has to be certain that we're doing the right thing before ignoring so much.
yes, you make perfect sense. if i weren't christian, i would have used the reasoning that you have, a more natural law type of reasoning. however, christians are not always given a reason for their instructions...even a sin for one person may not be so for another. so, i think, personally, i'm rather in a different place from natural law arguments.
yes! i think you should post your thoughts on the matter, definitely!
really? move to SB? AWESOME! well, if you do and you get bored for company i'm told i can be fairly entertaining, lol. :)
yeah, I understand where you are coming from.
I guess i just have been disillusioned with how I have been brought up, and it all just left me with a bad taste in my mouth...
I agree though that you stand on the shoulders of those people. I would never try to diminish what they did, or what they believe. I agree with a lot of the principles, just not with how things are run in a lot of religions. I think everyone's different viewpoints are what makes the world a better and more interesting place though :) Hopefully i didnt imply that I just want to toss aside everything those people stood for, believed in, and in many cases died for. I respect and admire them, and just kind of interpret things my own way i guess ...(I am christian too)
And yeah, feel free to link to mine haha, u didnt have to ask, but thanks :)
-Landyn
hey landyn, i completely hear you. in many ways i am left with feelings of bitterness and indifference for the church, in no small part for their views on gays.
it's okay, i know you didn't mean anything rude, etc. :) in many ways i have had to, ultimately, interpret things for myself. but maybe i've just come to some different conclusions than you or other Family.
i think you ultimately bring up a good point; we can put a lot of respect and consideration into what others say. but, ultimately, humans are very fallible, and we have to consider this when we consider what they have said and written.
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